I waded across a washed out sidewalk under a bridge and found a little nook to crawl into. Surrounded by a river or creek and birds are ignoring me and digging for food and singing. Which sounds really nice and naturey but beyond that is a parking lot and a fat guy smoking and staring at me. A busy road on the bridge and someone yelled HEY YOU at me. Hey me what?! Be more inventive. What’s with people who stare anyways? I’m staring right back, why don’t you feel awkward damn you! Look away in shame and embarrassment of being caught.
I ran away because Eric and I got in an argument. This is the first time I’ve gone anywhere in a fight but this is a topic we are never going to agree on and I’ve been stuck in the house full of people and kids and I had to get a break. I love to be alone, outside. How do people have time to think? I hate to get all granola but man there is SO MUCH going on outside. All these fucking ecosystems coexisting and interacting. It’s LIFE and it has nothing to do with commercials about how tough it is to make mashed potatoes so you better buy premade prepackaged or your life will suck. Or the price of gas or who drank the last of the milk or 9-5 just getting by bullshit.
I really love that people read my blog but the thing about that is I can’t just full on BLAH BLAH BLAH about things I want to. Like I probably shouldn’t talk about the fight. All ill say is I would never purposely say or do anything to make Eric feel like he sucks or is a talentless loser. I guess im some demoralizing bitch which only reinforces my feelings of liking to be alone. I guess it’s embarrassing to admit but I always feel like no one really likes me and that’s on me not them blah blah but if I really feel that way how do I convince myself its not true lol. I’m always super honest at the expense of people liking me and I get that. And not in that annoying way where people announce to the room and everyone they meet that they have brass balls and tell it like it is ect ect. But if sometime is mean or rude to me or my friends or someone I just met that I get good vibes from ill stand up for them in a second. I have a couple really good friends that I met in the exact scenario of just meeting them and standing up for them. I don’t want to go back at all. If it was summer I would take a nap in the trees somewhere. My ass is wet and freezing. I mixed a drink in a big coffee mug lol but its almost gone. I have to pee something fierce. Maybe ill just walk in all indignantly, pee and leave again.
It’s funny, I don’t really think about what I’m writing until an upstanding member of the community with a bullying awareness blog reads and likes your bullying post and how my approach at this point is to tell the school faculty to, ahem, “suck a bag of fat dicks” and hope gage punches one of them in the teeth. Eloquent!
The moral of the story is I hate feeling this way and damn my bladder for making me go home.